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Joker Dialogue in a nutshell squeezed to its core

dialogue[first lines][Grumpy and Chuckles pick up Bozo on the street. They converse as they near the bank]Grumpy: Three of a kind. Let's do this.Chuckles: That's it, three guys?Grumpy: Plus two guys on the roof. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.Chuckles: Six shares. Don't forget the guy who planned the job.Grumpy: He thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice? I know why they call him the Joker.[cuts to Happy and Dopey on the roof breaking open the control box]Happy: So why do they call him "The Joker"?Do

pey: I heard he wears make-up.Happy: Make-up?Dopey: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.[The bank manager shoots Chuckles with a sawed-off Remington 870 and goes after Bozo and Grumpy, who hide behind one of the desks]Bank Manager: Do you have any idea who you're stealing from?! You and your friends are dead!Grumpy: He's out, right?[Bozo thinks for a moment, then nods. Grumpy stands up, only to get shot in the shoulder. But the manager has now used his last round, and Bozo quickly gets up and guns him down]Grumpy: Where did you learn to count?![He goes into the vault, where Happy has been drilling]Happy: They wired this thing up with like 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?Grumpy: [unloads duffel bags] A mob bank. I guess the Joker's as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?Happy: Boss told me when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, huh? [turns the wheel to unlock the door]Grumpy: Funny, he told me something similar.Happy: What are- No-no-no-NO! [Grumpy shoots him, steps over him, and starts loading the money into duffel bags, which he and Bozo place by the door]Grumpy: That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he'd have had us bring a bigger car. [draws his gun and points it at Bozo]I'm bettin' the Joker told you to kill me as soon as we'd loaded the cash.Bozo: [sighs, and then checks his watch] No, no, no, no. I kill the bus driver.... [edges to one side]Grumpy: "Bus driver?" [Bozo stares him down] What bus driver? [A school bus reverses through the bank doors and runs him over. The bus driver jumps out the emergency exit door]Bus Driver: School's out! Time to go! Cat's not getting up, is he? [helps load the cash into the bus] That's a lot of money. [pause] What happened to the rest of the guys? [Bozo casually guns him down, then loads the rest of the cash in. As he is about to drive away...]Bank Manager: You think you're smart, huh? But the guy that hired you, he'll just do the same to you. The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor... respect... Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? What do you believe in?! [Bozo puts a grenade in the manager's mouth]Bozo: I believe, whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... [removes his clown mask, revealing that he is the Joker]The Joker: stranger. [The Joker leaves the manager, and gets in the school bus. As the bus pulls out, a thread tied to its bumper pulls the grenade pin, and colored gas comes out. The Joker's bus joins an opening in a line of identical school buses trundling up the street past the arriving cops][The Chechen is meeting with the Scarecrow for a drug deal in a parking garage, and sees the Bat-Symbol in the night sky]The Chechen: That's why we bring dogs. My little princes. [an addict is dragged out of the car]Addict: Please, please, get 'em off! They're crawling in my mouth!...The Chechen: Look what your drugs did to my customers!The Scarecrow: [Stepping out of his van] Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.Chechen: My business, repeat customers.The Scarecrow: You don't like what I have to offer, you can buy from someone else... assuming Batman left anyone to buy from.[Batman has just apprehended the Scarecrow and a group of Batman wannabes and has left them tied up for the police]Batman: Don't let me find you out here again.Brian: We're trying to help you!Batman: I don't need help!Scarecrow: Not my diagnosis!Brian: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?![Batman lowers himself into the Batmobile]Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads![The Scarecrow glances at Brian smugly while Batman drives away][Alfred enters interim Batcave, Bruce is patching himself up after his attempt at interrupting the drug deal between the Scarecrow and the Chechen]Alfred Pennyworth: It'll be nice when Wayne Manor's rebuilt. You can go from not sleeping in a penthouse to not sleeping in a mansion. Whenever you stitch yourself up, you do make a bloody mess.Bruce Wayne: Yeah, makes me learn from my mistakes.Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you ought to be pretty knowledgeable by now, then.Bruce Wayne: My armor, carrying too much weight, I need to be faster.Alfred Pennyworth:I'm sure Mr Fox can oblige. [Inspects the wound closer] Did you get mauled by a tiger?Bruce Wayne: It was a dog.Alfred Pennyworth: Huh?Bruce Wayne: It was a big dog. More copycats last night Alfred, with guns.Alfred Pennyworth: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?Bruce Wayne: That's not exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to inspire people.Alfred Pennyworth: I know, but things have improved. Look at the new district attorney.Bruce Wayne: I am, closely. [looks at CCTV monitors of Harvey Dent's movements] I need to know if he can be trusted.Alfred Pennyworth: Are you more interested in his character or his social circle? [Indicates to monitor of him with Rachel Dawes]Bruce Wayne: Whoever Rachel spends her time with is her business.Alfred Pennyworth:I trust you don't monitor me on my days off.Bruce Wayne: If you ever took one I might.Alfred Pennyworth: [Sees the severity of the wounds on Bruce's back] Know your limits, Master Wayne.Bruce Wayne: Batman has no limits.Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you do, sir.Bruce Wayne: Well, can't afford to know 'em.Alfred Pennyworth: And what's gonna happen on the day that you find out?Bruce Wayne: We all know how much you like to say: "I told you so."Alfred Pennyworth: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to... probably.[Harvey shows up for the prosecution of Sal Maroni]Harvey Dent: Sorry I'm late, folks.Rachel Dawes: Where were you?Harvey Dent: Worried you'd have to step up?Rachel Dawes: Harvey, I know these briefs backwards.Harvey Dent: Well, Fair's fair. [draws coin] Heads I'll take it, tails it's all yours.Rachel Dawes: Oh yeah? You want to flip a coin to see who leads?Harvey Dent: It's my father's lucky coin. As I recall, it got me my first date with you.Rachel Dawes: Who'd leave something like that to chance?Harvey Dent: [flips coin] I don't. [Catches and reveals it to be heads up] I make my own luck.[They walk past Maroni's defense team]Salvatore Maroni: I thought the D.A. just played golf with the mayor, things like that?Harvey Dent: Tee offs 1:30. More than enough time to put you away for life, Sally!Harvey Dent: With Carmine Falcone in Arkham, someone must have stepped up to run the so-called family. [he scans the courtroom] Is this man in the courtroom today? [The witness nods] Could you identify him for us, please? [Harvey looks at Maroni eagerly]Rossi: You win, counselor. It was me. [Chuckles from the gallery. Harvey turns to him]Harvey Dent: I've got a sworn statement from you, saying that this man, Salvatore Maroni, is the new head of the Falcone crime family.Rossi: Maroni? He's a fall guy. I'm the brains of the organization. [More chuckles from the gallery.]Harvey Dent: [to the judge] Permission to treat the witness as hostile?Judge Freel: Granted.Rossi: Hostile? I'll show you hostile. [pulls out a gun and points it at Harvey. It fails to go off. Harvey manages to grab the gun and deck the guy on the right side of the face before the thug is dragged off to jail. He proceeds to unload the weapon and place it on the table in front of Maroni]Harvey Dent: Carbon fiber, .28 caliber. Made in China. If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American.Judge Freel: Get him out of here!Harvey Dent: But Your Honor, I'm not done.[Gordon is in Harvey Dent's office]Lt. James Gordon: Word is you got a hell of a right cross. It's a shame Sal's going to walk.Harvey Dent: Well the good thing about the mob is that they keep giving you second chances. [picks up a bundle of bills from the Joker's heist and flips through them] Lightly irradiated bills. Fancy work for a city cop. Have help?Lt. James Gordon: We liaise with various agencies.Harvey Dent: Save it, Gordon. I want to meet him.Lt. James Gordon: Official policy is to arrest the vigilante known as Batman on sight.Harvey Dent: Uh-huh, and that floodlight on the top of MCU?Lt. James Gordon: If you've got problems or any concerns about malfunctioning equipment, I suggest you take it up with maintenance, counselor.Harvey Dent: I've put every known money launderer in Gotham behind bars but the mob is still getting its money out. I think you and your "friend" have found the last game in town and you're trying to hit them where it hurts: their wallets. That's bold. You gonna count me in?Lt. James Gordon: In this town, the fewer people who know something, the safer the operation.Harvey Dent: Gordon, I don't like that you've got your own special unit, and I don't like that it's full of cops I investigated while I was at Internal Affairs.Lt. James Gordon: If I didn't work with cops you'd investigated while you were making your name at I.A. then I'd be working alone. I don't get political points for being an idealist; I have to do the best with what I have.Harvey Dent: You want me to back warrants for search and seizure on five banks, without telling me what we're after?Lt. James Gordon: I can give you the names of the banks.Harvey Dent: Well, that's a start. I'll get you your warrants. But I want your trust.Lt. James Gordon: You don't have to sell me, Dent. We all know you're Gotham's "White Knight".Harvey Dent: I hear they've got a different nickname for me down at MCU.Lt. James Gordon: I wouldn't know about that.[The mob bosses are assembled together, videoconferencing with Lau]Sal Maroni: How soon can you move the money?Lau: I already have. For obvious reasons, I couldn't wait for your permission. Rest assured, your money is safe.[The Joker walks in on the meeting]The Joker: [fake laughter done in deadpan voice] Ah ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee ha, ahaha. [returns to normal voice] And I thought my jokes were bad.Gambol: Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.The Joker: How about a magic trick? [slams a pencil into the table, point first] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear... [Gambol's crony stands up and goes to attack him. In one swift motion the Joker then slams the man's head onto the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the crony collapses to the floor, dead, taking the pencil with him.]The Joker: TA-DA! It's, ah, it's gone. And by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it!

[Gambol rises in anger]The Chechen: Sit. I want to hear proposition.[Pause. Gambol glares at the Joker, who indicates the Chechen in agreement. Gambol sits reluctantly.]The Joker: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you... I mean, what happened? Did your balls drop off? Hmm? You see, a guy like me...Gambol: A freak. [A few mob members snicker]The Joker: [visibly annoyed] A guy like me... Look, listen... I know why you choose to have your little, ahem, "group therapy" sessions in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. You see, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors, unfortunately. Dent? He's just the beginning. And as for the, uh, television's [points at the TV showing Lau] so-called "plan" - Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him squeal. I know the squealers when I see them, and... [points at Lau again, who covers his camera with his hand and turns it off]The Chechen: What do you propose?The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.[The mobsters laugh]Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.The Chechen: How much you want?The Joker: Uh, half. [the mobsters laugh again]Gambol: You're crazy.The Joker: [sternly] I'm not. No, I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, soon, little uh, Gambol here, won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.Gambol:[rises in anger] ENOUGH FROM THE CLOWN!The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta, let's not "blow" [opens his jacket, revealing five grenades, complete with pins attached to a string around his thumb] this out of proportion.Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?!The Joker: Yeah.Gambol: I'm putting the word out. Five hundred grand for this clown dead, a million alive, so I can teach him some manners first!The Joker: All right, so listen. Why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card.[leaves a Joker playing card in the table, and backs out of the room, toying threateningly with the grenade pin.][Harvey meets Batman on the roof]Harvey Dent: You're a hard man to reach. [Gordon comes up] Lau's halfway to Hong Kong. If you'd asked, I could have taken his passport. I told you keep me in the loop.Lt. James Gordon: All that was left in the vaults were marked bills! They knew we were coming! As soon as your office got involved, there's a leak!Harvey Dent: My office?! You're sitting down here with scum like Wuertz and Ramirez and... Oh yeah, Gordon, I almost had your rookie cold on a racketeering beat!Lt. James Gordon: Don't try to cloud the fact that clearly Maroni's got people in your office, Dent!Harvey Dent: [turns to Batman] We need Lau back, but the Chinese won't extradite a national under any circumstances.Batman: If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?Harvey Dent: I'll get him to sing.Lt. James Gordon: We're going after the mob's life savings. Things will get ugly.Harvey Dent: I knew the risks when I took this job, lieutenant. Same as you. [turns back to Batman] How will you get him back, anyway? [He turns to Batman, who has already vanished.]Lt. James Gordon: He does that.Gambol's henchman: Yo, Gambol. Somebody here for you. They say they've just killed the Joker. They brought the body.[Two thugs walk in and show Gambol what appears to be the Joker's corpse]Gambol: Dead - that's $500.[The Joker springs to life and grabs Gambol, putting a knife in his mouth. His men put guns to the heads of Gambol's cronies]The Joker: How about alive, hmm? Do you wanna know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker... and a fiend. One night, he comes home crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not... one... bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says, "Why so serious? He comes at me with the knife - "why so serious?" sticks the blade in my mouth - "let's put a smile on that face! And... [turns to Gambol's men] Why so serious? [kills Gambol as his men look on, horrified.] Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which one you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're going to have tryouts. [snaps a pool cue in half and drops one of the jagged ends on the floor] Make it fast.[The news is showing a tape of the Joker torturing a Batman imposter]The Joker: Tell them your name.Brian: Brian... Douglas... .The Joker: Are you the real Batman?Brian: No.The Joker: [laughing incredulously] No? Then why do you dress up like him?!Brian: He's a symbol... that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.The Joker: Yeah, you do, Brian. You really do! [strokes his face] Oh, hush, hush, hush, hush. So, you think that Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hmmm? Look at me. LOOK AT ME! [turns the camera to himself] See, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. [pause] I'm a man of my word![The Joker laughs as the camera goes out of focus and Brian screams][Bruce and Rachel are alone at the top of the penthouse]Bruce: You once told me we would be together. Did you mean it?Rachel: [sadly] Bruce... don't make me your only hope of a normal life.Bruce: You know that day that you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.Rachel: Bruce, you can't ask me to wait for that.Bruce: It's happening now. Harvey is that hero. He locked up half of the city's criminals, and he did it without wearing a mask. Gotham needs a hero with a face.Rachel: Harvey Dent, scourge of the underworld, scared stiff by the trust fund brigade. I'll be back.Harvey: Rachel, wait.Alfred: [offering champagne] Liquid courage, Mr. Dent?Harvey: Alfred, right?Alfred: Yes, sir.Harvey: Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her her whole life.Alfred: Well, not yet, sir.Harvey: Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?Alfred: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.[The Joker crashes Bruce Wayne's fundraiser for Harvey Dent]The Joker: We made it! [fires a shotgun into the air to get peoples' attention] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [goes around the room, pointing his shotgun at random guests] Do you where Harvey is? I just need to ask him something, little, hmm? No? You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.Guest: We're not intimidated by thugs!The Joker: You know, you remind me of my father. [grabs him at knifepoint] I hated my father!Rachel Dawes: [offscreen] Okay stop! [The Joker walks over to her]The Joker: Well, hello beautiful! You must be Harvey's squeeze! And you are beautiful. Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come here, look at me. See, I had a wife — beautiful, like you — who tells me that I worry too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey.[she squirms, and he forces her to keep looking at him] One day they carve her face. We have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hmm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So… [Rachel tries again to look away, he grabs her face and forces her to look at him.] I stick a razor in my mouth and do this… to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! Now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling![Rachel knees him and pushes him off her]The Joker: [laughs] A little fight in you. I like that!Batman: [appearing suddenly] Then you're gonna love me. [punches the Joker][After a scuffle between Batman and the Joker's men, the Joker puts a gun to Rachel's head]Batman: Drop the gun!The Joker: Oh, sure! You just take off your little mask and show us all who you really are! [shoots out the window]Batman: Let her go!The Joker: Very poor choice of words! [He lets go of Rachel's arm, causing her to fall through the window]Bruce Wayne: Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They've crossed a line.Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them and hammered them to the point of desperation, and in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. We just need to figure out what he's after.Alfred Pennyworth: With respect, Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that you don't fully understand either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anyone who had traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.Bruce Wayne: So why steal them?Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?Alfred: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make — the right choice.Bruce Wayne: Well, today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today, you get to say, "I told you so."Alfred: Today I… I don't want to. [they walk to the elevator] But I did bloody tell you. [Bruce laughs] I suppose they'll want to lock me up, too, as your accomplice.Bruce Wayne: Accomplice? I'm gonna tell them the whole thing was your idea.Maroni's Mistress: Can't we go someplace quieter? We can't hear each other talk.Salvatore Maroni: What makes you think I want to hear you talk?Commissioner James Gordon: Harvey Dent never made it home.The Joker: Of course not.Commissioner James Gordon: What have you done with him?The Joker: Me? I was right here. [holds up his arms in handcuffs] Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still your people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?Commissioner James Gordon: Where is he?The Joker: What's the time?Commissioner James Gordon: What difference does that make?The Joker: Well, depending on the time, he may in one spot, or several.Commissioner James Gordon: If we're gonna play games... [takes off the Joker's handcuffs] I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.The Joker: Ah, the good cop/bad cop routine?Commissioner James Gordon: [smiles wryly] Not exactly.[Batman slams the Joker's head into the table]The Joker: [groggy] Ugh... Never start with the head! The victim gets all... fuzzy. He can't feel the next...[Batman punches the Joker's hand; the Joker pauses for effect]The Joker: See?Batman: You wanted me. Here I am.The Joker: I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint. You let five people die. Then, you let Dent take your place; even to a guy like me, that's cold!Batman: Where's Dent?The Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can go back to the way things were, but I know the truth. There's no going back. You've changed things. Forever.Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?The Joker: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no… no! No, you… you… complete… me.Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.The Joker: Don't talk like you're one of them! You're not... even if you'd like to be. To them you're just a freak, like me. They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their "code"... it's a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these uh, these "civilized people", they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.[Batman grabs the Joker by the lapels and lifts him up]Batman: Where's Dent?The Joker: You have all these rules, and you think they'll save you![Batman slams the Joker into the wall]Batman: I have one rule.The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.Batman: Which is?The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules, and tonight, you're gonna break your one rule!Batman: I'm considering it.The Joker: There's only minutes left; you're going to have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.Batman: Them?The Joker: You know, for a while there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her... [laughs]'[Batman realises he means Rachel; enraged, he flips Joker over onto the table]The Joker: Look at you go! Does Harvey know about you and his "little bunny"?[Batman slams Joker's head into the mirror and punches him]Batman: WHERE ARE THEY?The Joker: Killing is making a choice...[Batman punches him again]Batman: WHERE ARE THEY?The Joker: Choose between one life or the other: Your friend the District Attorney, or his blushing bride-to-be![Batman punches him again]The Joker: [laughing hysterically] You have nothing to threaten me with! Nothing to do with all your strength![Batman grabs him]The Joker: But don't worry, I'm gonna tell you where they are! Both of them, and that's the point. You'll have to choose. He's at 250 52nd Street and she's at Avenue X and Cicero.The Joker: I want my phone call, I want it, I want my phone call.Detective Stephens: That's nice.The Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?Detective Stephens: I'm a 20-year man. I know the difference between the punks who just need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it. And you killed six of my friends.The Joker: [mouths "six?" in mock surprise] Do you know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the little emotions. Y'see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are, so in a way, I knew your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?Detective Stephens: [pulling up his sleeves] I know you're gonna enjoy this, so I'll just have to enjoy it even more.Bruce Wayne: The bandit, in the forest in Burma, did you catch him?Alfred Pennyworth: Yes.Bruce Wayne: How?Alfred Pennyworth: [uneasily] We burned the forest down.Harvey Dent: [on his hospital bed and speaking to Gordon] Remember the name you all had for me when I was at Internal Affairs? What was it, Gordon?Lt. James Gordon: Harvey, I can't...Harvey Dent: SAY IT!Lt. James Gordon: [under his breath] Two-Face. "Harvey Two-Face". [He sees the extense of the damage to Harvey's left side]Lt. James Gordon: I'm sorry, Harvey...Harvey Dent: [turns to Gordon, showing his disfigured face] No. No you're not. Not yet.The Chechen: Not so crazy as you look.The Joker: I told you, I'm a man of my word. Where's the Italian?The Chechen: Joker man, what you do with all your money?The Joker: You see, I'm, a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder... and gasoline![Joker's men douse the money with gasoline]The Chechen: What the - ?[Joker brandishes a pistol at him]The Joker: You know the thing that they have in common? They're cheap.The Chechen: You said you were a man of your word.The Joker: Oh, I am. I'm only burning my half. [throws the Chechen's cigar onto the money, setting it ablaze] All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to 'em. Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.The Chechen: They won't work for a freak!The Joker: [mocking the Chechen's accent] "Freak"... [normal voice] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! [Joker's men drag the Chechen away] It's not about money... It's about... sending a message. Everything burns![Gordon and his men are seen getting ready to take emergency action, and are watching a news show on which the Joker has called in]The Joker: I had a vision - of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance! If Coleman Reese isn't dead in 60 minutes, then I blow up a hospital.[In MCU, Gordon, having watched the broadcast, turns to the others and issues orders]Lt. James Gordon: Call in every officer. Tell them to head to their nearest hospital and start evac and search. Call the transit authority, school board, prisons, get every available bus down to a hospital. The priority is Gotham General! Wheel everybody out of that place right now! [to three officers] You, you, and you, you come with me.Officer: Where are we going, sir?Lt. James Gordon: To get Reese.Alfred Pennyworth: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.Alfred Pennyworth: The Lamborghini then. [watches Bruce go] Much more subtle.[The Joker walks into Harvey Dent's hospital room, disguised as a nurse. Harvey tries to strike him, but is stymied by the straps holding him down]The Joker: Hi. You know, I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Harvey. When you and, uh...Harvey Dent: RACHEL!The Joker: ... Rachel were being abducted, I was sitting in Gordon's cage. I didn't rig those charges.Harvey Dent: Your men, your plan!The Joker: [smirks slowly] Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. [giddy] I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I... I just do things. The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. They're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say… [grabs Harvey's hand, Harvey struggles a little] ah, come here. When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you'll know that I'm telling the truth. [starts unstrapping Harvey's wrists from one side] It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans. And, uh... [starts unstrapping Harvey's other wrist] look where that got ya.[Once Harvey's other wrist is free, he attempts to grab The Joker, the two struggle with each other until The Joker grabs a hold of Harvey's hands, moving them from side to side]The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and [sing-song tone] I turned it on itself! [Harvey stops struggling, The Joker looking down at him] Look at what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hm? You know-–you know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"… even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that onelittle old mayor will die… [frantically] well, then everyone loses their minds! [lets go of Harvey's hands and pulls out a gun, the barrel facing himself] Introduce a little anarchy. [puts the gun into Harvey's hand, cocking the gun] Upset the established order, then everything becomes…chaos. [guides the gun to his own forehead, smacking his lips] I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.[Harvey thinks for a minute, and shows Joker the unscarred side of his coin]Harvey Dent: You live...The Joker: Mmm-hmm?Harvey Dent: [turns the coin on its scarred side] You die!The Joker: Now we're talkin'!Wuertz: I thought you was dead.Harvey Dent/Two-Face: Half. [takes the rest of Wuertz's drink and drinks it, pointing a revolver at Wuertz] Who picked up Rachel, Wuertz?Wuertz: I don't know. It must've been Maroni's men...Two-Face: SHUT UP! [slams his fist down on the table] You gonna tell me, that you're gonna protect the other traitor in Gordon's unit?Wuertz: I don't know - he'd never tell me. I swear to God, I didn't know what they were gonna do to you.Two-Face: [takes out his coin] Funny. 'Cause I don't know what's gonna happen to you either. [flips the coin. It lands on the scarred side. Dent promptly shoots Wuertz dead][Two-Face surprises Maroni in his car]Two-Face: Going to see your wife? You love her?Maroni: Yes.Two-Face: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to listen to her die?Maroni: Look, take it up with the Joker. He killed your woman. He made you... like this.Two-Face: The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash. Someone picked Rachel up before she was abducted. It must have been someone in Gordon's unit, someone she trusted.Sal Maroni: If I tell you, will you let me go?Two-Face: It can't hurt your chances.Sal Maroni: It was Ramirez. [Dent pulls out his gun, cocks his pistol, and starts to flip the coin] But you said-Two-Face: I said it couldn't hurt your chances. [The coin lands on the clean side] You're a lucky man. [Maroni smiles with relief. But Two-Face then flips the coin again, and this time, it lands on the scarred face.] But he's not.Sal Maroni: Who?Two-Face: [fastens his seatbelt] Your driver. [promptly shoots the driver, sending the car flying off the road and crashing into the railroad yard][Batman and Joker's fight ends with Batman pinned under a girder. Across the ferries they're set to detonate and a businessman has the detonator primed]Joker: [struggling to keep Batman down] We really should stop this fighting. Otherwise, we'll miss the fireworks!Batman: There won't be any fireworks!Joker: And here we… go![After a long moment of hesitation, the businessman sets the detonator down. Confused, the Joker looks at his clock, which says midnight]Batman: What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you?! You're alone![The Joker snarls in fury and pulls out another detonator]Joker: You can't rely on anyone these days. You gotta do everything yourself. [to Batman] Don't we? That's okay. I came prepared.[takes out a detonator, presumably the one that will blow up both ships] It's a funny world that we live in. Speaking of which, know how I got these scars?Batman: No... but I know how you got these!: [Batman fires his steel spike protrusions from his gauntlet, hitting the Joker in the face. He then kicks the Joker over his head and off the building. The Joker falls, laughing madly, but Batman snares his legs with a grapple and hoists him up]Joker: Uhh, you... You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness... and I won't kill you because you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever!Joker: Maybe we could share one! You know, they'll be doubling up at the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.Joker: Until their spirit breaks completely! Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and the all heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.Batman: [horrified] What did you do?Joker: I took Gotham's "White Knight", and brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. See, madness, as you know, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push! [laughs hysterically; Batman leaves and a SWAT arrives to take the Joker into custody][Two-Face is holding Gordon's son at gunpoint]Batman: You don't want to hurt the boy, Harvey.Two-Face: It's not about what I want, it's about what's fair! You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time! You were wrong! The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair. His son's got the same chance she had - fifty-fifty.Batman: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act. We three.Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?!Batman: ... It wasn't.Two-Face: The Joker chose me!Batman: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that someone as good as you could fall!Two-Face: And he was right.Batman: You're the one pointing the gun, Harvey. So point it at the people responsible.Two-Face: Fair enough.[last lines][Gordon's son follows Gordon down to where Batman lies unmoving next to Two-Face's body]Gordon's Son: Dad! Dad, is he okay?Lt. James Gordon: [relieved as Batman slowly pulls himself up to his knees] Thank you.Batman: You don't have to thank me.Lt. James Gordon: Yes, I do. [both look at Two-Face's body on the ground] The Joker won. Harvey's prosecution, everything he fought for - undone. Any chance you gave us at fixing our city dies with Harvey's reputation. We bet it all on him. The Joker took the best of us and tore him down. People will lose hope.Batman: They won't. They must never know what he did.Lt. James Gordon: Five dead, two of them cops? You can't sweep that up!Batman: No. But the Joker cannot win. [kneels down next to Harvey, whose scarred left side is facing up] Gotham needs its true hero.[turns Harvey's head so that his unmarred side faces up]Lt. James Gordon: [immediately understanding] No!Batman: [quoting Harvey Dent] "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." I can do those things because I'm not a hero, not like Dent. I killed those people. That's what I can be.Lt. James Gordon: No, no! You can't, you're not!Batman: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be. [hands Gordon his radio] Call it in.Lt. James Gordon: They'll hunt you.Batman: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me, set the dogs on me. [In the voiceover, Gordon speaks at Dent's funeral, then destroys the Bat-Signal, Alfred burns Rachel's letter, and Fox destroys the sonar device] Because that's what needs to happen. Because sometimes... the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.[Batman runs]Gordon's Son: Batman? Batman! Why is he running, Dad?Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.Gordon's Son: He didn't do anything wrong.Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A Dark Knight.
Why So Serious?
I believe in Harvey Dent.
Welcome to a world without rules.
Can you avenge evil without becoming it?
Out of the darkness...comes the Knight.
I'm an agent of chaos.

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